“Now a man from the sons of the prophets said to another by the Word of the Lord, ‘Please strike me.’ But the man refused to strike him. Then he said to him, ‘Because you have not listened to the Voice of the Lord, behold, as soon as you leave me, a lion will kill you.’ As soon as he left him, a lion found him and killed him. Then he found another man and said, ‘Please, strike me.’ And the man struck him, injuring him. So, the prophet departed and waited for the king by the road, and disguised himself with a bandage over his eyes. And as the king passed by, he cried out to the king and said, ‘Your servant went out into the midst of the battle, and behold, a man turned aside and brought a man to me and said, ‘Guard this man; if for any reason he goes missing, then your life shall be forfeited in place of his life, or else you shall pay a talent of silver.’ Now, while your servant was busy here and there, he disappeared.’ and the king of Israel said to him, ‘So shall your judgment be; you yourself determined it.’ ” -
“Now
as they were traveling along, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha
welcomed him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the
Lord’s feet, listening to His Word. But
Martha was distracted with all her
preparations, and she came up to Him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that
my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.’ But
the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and
bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has
chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” - Luke
10:38 – 42
“King
Rehoboam consulted with the elders who had served his father Solomon while he
was still alive, saying, ‘How do you counsel me to answer this people?’ Then
they spoke to him, saying, ‘If you will be a servant to this people today, and
will serve them, grant them their petition, and speak good words to them, then
they will be your servants forever.’ But he forsook the counsel of the elders
which they had given him, and consulted with the young men who grew up with him
and served him. So, he said to them, ‘What counsel do you give that we may
answer this people who have spoken to me, saying, “Lighten the yoke which your
father put on us’?” The young men who grew up with him spoke to him, saying, “Thus
you shall say to this people who spoke to you, saying, ‘Your father made our
yoke heavy, now you make it lighter for us!’ But you shall speak to them: ‘My little
finger is thicker than my father’s loins! Whereas my father loaded you with a
heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke; my father disciplined you with whips, but I
will discipline you with scorpions.’” - I Kings 12: 6- 11
I
Kings 20:35-40
speaks of a man who was Distracted by certain infinitesimal activities
that he forgot to attend to his core assignment of watching over a particular target
and then lost favour with his Master, thus, he paid dearly for it.
Luke
10:38 – 42
speaks of Martha, Mary and Jesus. While Mary sat to soak in the Words of
eternal life, which flowed from our Master’s lips, having “Chosen the good part,” her sister, Martha was “Distracted” by
unnecessary preparations.
I
Kings 12:6-11
regales us with the foolish decision of young King Rehoboam who jettisoned the
counsel of elderly and experienced men and opted for the advice given to him by
his peers, “The young men who grew up
with him.” This led to the ultimate disintegration of the Nation of Israel,
thus Balkanizing the once united Nation into Southern and Northern Kingdoms. This
singular action negated the Cause of the Nation and tampered with destinies of
many generations, a challenge the Nation of Israel still grapples with till
now.
This lecture
explores how peer groups can distract young adults, impacts of these
distractions, and practical ways to overcome them.
WHAT AND WHO IS
A PEER?
According to Webster’s Dictionary, a Peer is a “person of equal standing with another, especially a person who belongs
to the same social group, based on age, grade, or status.”
Simply stated, “Peers” refer to age mates (not necessarily of the same age, but
people of the same age bracket) or contemporaries. These are people a person
can easily identify with. I Kings 12:8 speaks of, “The young men whom King Rehoboam grew up with him.”
People are naturally drawn to their
peers because it gives them sense of belonging. At Luke 7:32, Jesus made
allusion to peers when He said: “They are
like children playing a game in the public square. They complain to their
friends, ‘We played wedding songs, and you didn’t dance, so we played funeral
songs, and you didn’t weep.” (New Living Translation).
Because of the importance of peer
groups, society recognizes the power and influence they exert on their members.
This explains why we have “Peer Educators,”
“Peer Reviews,” etcetera. The influences they seek to exert on themselves
are referred to as “Peer Pressures”
whether negative or positive.
WHAT IS PEER
PRESSURE?
In Sociology as well as in Psychology,
people speak of Extrinsic and Intrinsic factors of motivation. Peer
pressure, therefore, is the Extrinsic (outside an individual) influence which
is brought to bear on the Intrinsic (within an individual) to make him or her
do something (positive or negative) that he/she ordinarily would not want to
do. Professor Elizabeth Hartney, a Canadian professor of Psychology, in her definition of Peer Pressure corroborates
with this assertion when she wrote that “Peer
pressure is the process by which members of the same social group influence
other members to do things that they may be resistant to, or might not
otherwise choose to do.”
Speaking on how people allow themselves
to be pressured, Jeff Moore, an American motivational speaker, educator and
author wrote: “Peer pressure is the pressure
you put on yourself to fit in!”
Proverbs 22:24 - 25 encourages young
people not to allow themselves to be negatively pressured. It says:
“Do not make friends with a hot tempered man, do not
associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways, and get yourself
ensnared.”
Peer pressure is the tendency to belong,
to be like everybody and to be accepted. This tendency has far-reaching
implications. This is why Exodus 23:2 enjoins us: “Do not join a multitude to do wrong.”
POSITIVE AND
NEGATIVE PEER PRESSURES
We tend to hear more about negative effects of peer pressure, but the
reality is that peer pressure can also be positive.
For instance, two friends might put pressures on themselves to work harder
towards achieving their respective goals in life, study harder, serve God more
faithfully and become spiritually more responsible.
Negative peer pressure causes people to
do things they would not otherwise do with the hope of fitting in or being
noticed. Negative peer influence seeks to erode a
person’s values:
1. Under
these, a person loses touch with reality. Rather than go for what is beneficial,
such a person settles for what is destructive.
2. Under
negative peer influences, right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right.
3. Under
negative peer influence, God’s kind of morality takes backseat while Satan’s
immorality assumes centre-stage.
4. Under
negative peer influences, people eat poisoned fruits and drink poisoned wines,
thinking that they are safe, not knowing that they are being destroyed.
WHAT IS DISTRACTION?
Webster’s
dictionary defines Distraction as “Something that directs one’s attention
away from what is important.” A. W. Tozer
defines Distraction as “Something that knocks us off course, takes
off our focus and distracts us from our objectives.”
In her article, “21 Bible Verses About
Distractions And Ways To Overcome Them,” Demetra Muingbeh (2021)
observed that distractions can come in the form of people, things, specific
places or environments, circumstances, thoughts, or temptations. She then provided
some examples:
1.
You
decide to return to school to get an IT certification, and a good friend you
have not seen in years moves to your area. Distracting you from your studies,
you start hanging out 3 to 4 times a week.
Then you get your first semester results, which show you are failing
half of your classes. You finally decide to quit your job so you can put all
your time into developing your own business.
But then, you get a job offer from a company offering you N500, 000. 00 more yearly than you were
making. Distracted from your actual goal of working for yourself and earning
six figures, you take the job offer instead.
2.
You
decide to write a book with the vision that God gave you. You receive negative feedbacks after
discussing the idea with a few friends and family members. Negative thoughts
overwhelm your mind, and you never pick up a pen again.
3.
You
decide to start a blog, but every technical issue imaginable arises. Distracted
by discouragement, you give up completely.
4.
You
set a goal to lose 20 pounds and have your diet plan and exercise routine all
mapped out. But your roommate constantly
fills the fridge with snacks and comes home with fast food. You give in and end
up gaining 20 pounds instead.
She then observed, “Distractions can come in ways we least expect, from people we do not
expect, and at times, we are not expecting. They can end up costing us time,
happiness, peace, relationships, money, and success. Distractions can lead to
wrong directions, missed opportunities and missed blessings.”
PEER GROUPS AND
DISTRACTIONS
The Bible speaks of people as huge
sources of distractions. Sometimes, these distractions are on purpose. This was
the case of Sanballat, Geshem and Nehemiah. At Nehemiah 6:2 - 4, we read:
“So Sanballat and Geshem sent a message asking me to
meet them at one of the villages in the plain of Ono. But I realized they were
plotting to harm me, so, I replied by sending this message to them: ‘I am
engaged in a great work, so, I can’t come. Why should I stop working to come
and meet with you?’ This they did four times and answered them the same.” (New Living Translation)
Sometimes we allow what people think
about us, or the approval we seek from them to distract us. In this case, we should
work to adopt the mindset that the Apostle Paul had. At Galatians 1:10, Apostle
Paul wrote:
“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of
people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s
servant.”
(New Living Translation)
We have to avoid certain people or
relationships, especially if we know it would hinder our walk with God and
distract us from our individual objectives.
YOUNG PEOPLE
AND Peer GroupS
There is no
gainsaying the fact that peer groups play significant roles in the lives of
young people. This is because young people are looking for acceptance as well
as senses of belonging. In view of this, they are exposed largely to negative
peer influences.
While positive
peer influences can encourage growth, motivation, and healthy behaviours,
negative peer influences can become major distractions that derail personal
development, academic success, and future prospects.
HOW PEER GROUPS DISTRACT YOUNG PEOPLE
In a
lecture delivered recently, Dr. Mike Udam x-rays the negative effects of peer
groups on young people:
1.
Negative
Peer Pressure
Young
adults may feel pressured to conform to behaviours that are harmful or
counterproductive, such as substance abuse, skipping classes, or engaging in
risky activities. The desire to fit in can lead to poor decision-making and a
loss of individuality.
2.
Distraction
from Goals
Spending
excessive time socializing or trying to impress peers can take focus away from
academic, career, or personal goals.
Young adults may prioritize short-term gratification over long-term
successes.
3. Spread
of Misinformation
Peer groups
can perpetuate myths, misinformation, or unhealthy attitudes about education,
relationships, or life choices. This can lead to misguided decisions and a lack
of critical thinking.
4. Encourages
Laziness
If
a peer group values leisure over hard work, young adults may adopt a lazy or
unmotivated mindset. This can result in procrastination, missed opportunities,
and underachievement.
5. Emotional
and Mental Strains
Toxic peer
relationships can lead to stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. The fear of rejection or judgment can prevent
young adults from pursuing their true interests or expressing their authentic
selves.
Impacts of Peer Group Distractions
Again,
Dr. Udam x-rays the impacts distractions have on young people:
1.
Academic
Underperformance
Distractions by
peer groups can lead to poor attendance, lack of focus, and lower grades. Young
adults may neglect their studies to spend time with friends and end up not
excelling academically.
2.
Career
Setbacks
A
lack of focus on skill development or professional growth can hinder career
prospects. Peer pressure to prioritize social life over work or internships can
delay career advancement.
3.
Financial
Irresponsibility
Peer pressure
to spend money on trendy items, parties, or social activities can lead to poor
financial habits and debt. Young people may struggle to save or invest in their
future due to the influence of their peer groups.
4.
Loss
of Identity
Constantly
trying to fit in with a peer group can cause young people to lose sight of
their values, passions, and goals. This can lead to a lack of direction and
fulfillment in life.
5.
Health
and Emotional Risks
Engaging in
unhealthy behaviours to impress peers, such as smoking, drinking, or drug use
can have long-term physical and mental health consequences. The stress of maintaining toxic friendships
can also take a toll on emotional well-being.
WAYS TO OVERCOME
DISTRACTIONS BY PEERS
1. Appreciate Who You Are
Appreciate who you
are. Do not allow anyone to diminish or depreciate you. At Psalms 139:14, King
David wrote:
“I will praise
thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and
that my soul knows too well.”
You
are special. You are unique. You are beautiful/handsome. You are made in the Image and Likeness of God. There are no two
people like you in the world. Sinach, the Nigerian rave-making Gospel singer
was right when she sang, “I know who I
am.”
When
you know who you are, you should not compare yourself with others. Comparing
yourself with others is an indication of low self-esteem. This will make you
susceptible to peer pressure, which will lead to distractions. II Corinthians
10:12 says:
“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves
with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves
and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”
2. Identify What Distracts You (Hebrews
12:1)
In order to fix a problem, we have to
identify the problem. We do this by identifying everything that hinders or
distracts us. So, to overcome distractions, you must specifically identify who
and what distracts you. At Hebrews 12:1, Scripture enjoins us:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great
cloud of witnesses, let us throw off
everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us
run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (New International
Version)
3. Avoid
Becoming Like the Jones and the Joneses (I Samuel 8:4-5).
“Then all the elders of
Israel gathered themselves together, and came to Samuel in Ramah, and said to
him, ‘Behold, you are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways: now make for
us a king to judge us like all the nations around us.’ ”
Avoid
the temptation to “Measure up” and become like the “Jones and the Joneses;” to
align with peers; to hang out with the hood.
One
of the most negative forces which our environment exerts on us is through our
peers. Because of our deep quests for senses of belonging and fulfillment, we, sometimes
want to become like the people around us. That was Israel’s error.
Christians
are separate from the world around them and should remain so (John 17:14-16; II
Corinthians 6:14-18). We should not crave to be like the people around us, but
should make efforts to establish and maintain our distinctiveness as “People of God’s pleasure” (I Pet.
2:9-10).
The
world around you does not have meaningful things to offer, but riotousness and
vanity. As a Christian, you should become a role model, not vice-versa. The mould
which contains the world should not contain you. Dr. Seuss, an American author,
illustrator and artist asked, “Why fit
in, when you were born to stand out?” An anonymous writer advised, “Don’t force yourself to fit in where you
don’t belong.”
4. Get Ahead of Your Peers by
Increasing Your Capital (Ecclesiastes 10:10).
“If the iron be blunt, you
exert more energy, but wisdom is profitable to direct.”
People
are easily influenced negatively because they cannot measure up. In view of
these, they look up to those they feel are doing better than them. In the
course of seeking validations and associations of these people, they become
negatively influenced. On the flipside, when you are the person doing better,
people look up to you and rather than being negatively influenced by them, you
now positively influence them. Why? Because you hold the key. You determine who
comes in and who goes out. To become the Odogwu, you would need to stay ahead
by increasing your capital.
When you lack
capacity, you would become susceptible to distractions and manipulations by
others. Alexander
Hamilton, America’s First Secretary of the Treasury, lawyer, scholar and
military commander was right when he wrote,
“Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything.”
To
avoid falling for anything, you must build and strengthen your capacity. Your
capacity is your capital. It is the key you need to survive and thrive.
You
should be a person of KNOWLEDGE. The word “Knowledge” comes from the root word
- “Know” and “Edge,” meaning that the knowledge you have is what determines
your edge in life. Knowledge and its proper application is a major
success-factor in life.
Capacity-building
is increasing your ability to become relevant in social, economic, spiritual
and professional scheme of things.
Everything
about capacity-building is skills’ acquisition and skills’ utilization. So, seek
to acquire skills. It is your skills that will locate you (Proverbs 22:29).
Why
Build Your Capacity?
1. Capacity-building
keeps you ahead of your peers and competitors.
2. Capacity-building
is sharpening yourself (Ecclesiastes 10:10).
3. Capacity-building
is understanding your Unique Selling Points (USP) – knowing what you have that
others do not have and knowing what you can do that others cannot do or do them
the exact way that you do them. It is knowing what makes you different, what
you can do differently to add value to people and positioning yourself
strategically.
Capacity-building breeds
poly-functionality. Your ability to switch from a mono-functionality mode to a
poly-functionality one gives you the edge and makes you a role model.
5. Do not be a youth who lacks judgment (Proverbs
7:6-7)
Proverbs 7:6-7 provides for us the
profile of a youth who lacks judgment. He was a moral weakling who could not
say, “NO!” to the amorous invitation of a degenerate: a sweet-talking,
immorally-enticing person to wine, dine and
have a fill of the sweet poisons of immorality, unknown to him that he
was on his way to the slaughter house and on the path to eternal destruction
(Proverbs 7:21-23).
What kind of youth are you? Are you easily
distracted or pressured to do what obviously you know is wrong or are you a
person of strong moral fibre? Are you easily swayed by the sweet nothings of
what you hear and see? Do you have judgment or do you lack judgment?
Knowing who you are is important because
who you are places you where you belong. What you do defines who you are. If
you are chaste, then you belong to the class of youths that God is counting on
for His use, but if you are not chaste, then you certainly do not count on God’s
economy.
God is seriously looking for and
recruiting youths who He intends to mobilize for the end-time harvest (II
Timothy 2:19-22). Are you that youth that God is looking for?
God Has Regards For Youths With
Judgment
God respects integrity and honours
faithfulness. Throughout known human history, God has been in search of young
men and women with strong moral characters who would stand in the gap (cf.
Ezekiel 22:30). A careful study of Scripture reveals that when youths maintain
strong moral purity, they become tools in God’s Hands. Examples abound:
Joseph
Because Joseph had judgment, he refused
to be pressured by Portiphar’s wife (which would have given him access to
anything in his master’s household). However, knowing that it was a sin to
sleep around with someone not his wife and recognized sin for what it was, not
by the definitions of his friends and peers (Genesis 39:7-12), God made great
use of him.
Moses
Because Moses had judgment, he refused
to do what others were doing as well as having refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to
suffer with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin
(Hebrews 11:24-26), God made great use of him.
Daniel
and Friends
Because Daniel and friends had judgment,
they made up their minds not to soil
themselves with the King’s food, resisted the pull and push to compromise
their faith and practice in a foreign land where no one knew them except God
(Daniel 1:8-9), God gave them favour with which they excelled and were greatly
used by Him.
Mary
Because Mary had judgment, she was
chaste. She overcame the moral decay around her and refused to trade her
precious asset (virginity). Because of this, she was chosen amongst women to be
the human channel through which our Lord Jesus would come into the world
(Isaiah 7:14; Luke 1:26-35).
The list is a long one!
To avoid moral recklessness amounting to
lack of judgment, youths must avoid going out with “sons and daughters of the land” (cf. I Corinthians 15:33). If Dinah
had not gone out with daughters of the
land, she would not have been robbed of compromised her morality (Genesis
34:1-2). Dinah was one youth who lacked judgment.
CONCLUSION
Peer groups
can be a powerful influence in the lives of young people, but they do not have
to be a distraction. By choosing the right friends, setting clear priorities,
and focusing on personal growth, young people can overcome negative peer
pressures/distractions and stay on track to achieve their goals.
The key is to
stay true to yourself, surround yourself with positive influences, and remember
that your future is more important than fleeting social approval. By taking
control of your social environment, you can unlock your full potentials and
build a life of purpose and success.
____________________
Hilary
Johnson Chukwuma Chukwurah (Evangelist) worships with Church of Christ, New
Haven Extension, New Haven, Enugu, Enugu State. He can be contacted via: +234 803-959-6919.
He can also be reached through hilaryjohnsonc@gmail.com.
