And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife (husband) of his (her) youth. – Malachi 2:15.
Home is where the heart is. Because charity begins at home, family of a Christian should serve as a pulpit for church and community. In New Testament settings, homes of Christians were considered as extensions of the Church. This explains the concept of “Home church” or “Church in the home” that we read of at Romans 16:5 and I Corinthians 16:19.
How each member of a family behaves goes a long way to affect or improve her collective testimony. As family goes, so go both Church and community.
The responsibility of moderating family life rests squarely on the shoulders of a Christian husband and his wife. The man is considered Husband as well as House-band – meaning, he is both spouse and supporter of his wife and home. Failure of the family is blamed on him, but success of the family is his glory.
God expects men to be men, not just males. They must be men in their homes, not just males at home. The difference between males and men is simple: while males have all the physical features of the masculine gender, men have character, competence and capacity. Every man is a male but not every male is a man in the strictest sense of the word.
While males are bossy, men lead with character: they are fair and firm. God needs men in every home to be people of character (rationale and uncompromising).
PLACE OF CHRISTIAN MEN AND WOMEN IN FAMILIES
Understanding the place of family in God’s scheme of things defines the roles of Christian men and women in families. The family is of great importance to God, considering that it is the bedrock of human society. Malachi 2:15 states why God established the home:
“And did not He make one? Yet had He the
residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That
He might seek a godly seed. Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let
none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
The purpose of God for the family is to raise Godly children. This explains why God was happy when Abraham fulfilled this Divine mandate. At Genesis 18:19 He said of Abraham,
“For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, that they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.”
When we do what God expects of us, He will do what we expect of Him. God expects families to serve as platforms for training and dissemination of His Will for mankind. For this reason, family should be a place where God is honoured, obeyed and worshipped; a place which demonstrates knowledge of God and radiates His glory.
We need more families like that where Timothy was nurtured in the fear and admonition of the Lord (II Timothy 1:5; II Timothy 3:15); where children learn God’s ordinances, and are prepared to be positive change-agents that our world desperately needs.
As major stakeholders, Christian men and women are expected to set appropriate examples of worship, obedience and guidance in their families. When men fulfill their responsibilities of being Christian men/husbands and Christian women care for their families with decorum, chastity and virtue, we would be on our way to unleashing an army of well-groomed children who will transform their societies.
Duties of men in their homes are to make provisions for the well-being of their families (I Timothy 5:8) while women do the noble work of caring for each member of their homes. Together, they provide support.
Fraternal cohesion of Christian families is one of the most powerful testimonies of hope to a world fragmented by wrong value systems and unguided moral persuasions.
It is the family that moderates the moral and spiritual tones of both Church and society. If families churn out miscreants, Church and society are negatively affected, but if they churn out godly children, Church and society are made better. Therefore, raising godly children and stabilizing societies are the greatest roles of Christian men and women in families.
FAMILY OF A CHRISTIAN AND OFFSPRING OF THE UNION
Part of the roles of Christian parents is to enthrone a culture of moral excellence in their offspring by teaching them to uphold family and Godly values. In his book, Judges: Survival Skills For Concerned Christians, Bruce McLarty (1997:10) wrote:
One of my favourite bits of child-rearing advice comes from a man who says that as a parent, he is not rearing children. That is simply too shortsighted for him. Instead, he claims that his job is to train the parents of his grandchildren.
In her book, Parenting and Society, Dor. Nkem Ezenwanne (2018:18) quotes Susan, a mother as saying:
“I believe that our job as parents is to civilize our young, and provide society with decent, moral citizens.”
As a parent, your duty is to make the lives of your children count for God - to become who they were created to be. A few Biblical examples will suffice:
Example of The Rechabites
Teach your children to have culture and to stand by it. Families should be known for what they believe. A family with rock-solid character is an asset not only to the Church, but to the nation, which makes God happy. The Rechabites stand as a clear testimony on this. Culture was enthroned by grandfather, children and grandchildren upheld it with vice-like integrity. Jeremiah 35:1-14 tells us:
The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord
in the days of Jehoiakim the son of Josiah, king of Judah, saying, “Go to the
house of the Rechabites, speak to them, and bring them into the house of the
Lord, into one of the chambers, and give them wine to drink.” Then I took
Jaazaniah the son of Jeremiah, the son of Habazziniah, his brothers and all his
sons, and the whole house of the Rechabites, and I brought them into the house
of the Lord, into the chamber of the sons of Hanan the son of Igdaliah, a man of
God, which was by the chamber of the princes, above the chamber of Maaseiah the
son of Shallum, the keeper of the door. Then I set before the sons of the house
of the Rechabites bowls full of wine, and cups; and I said to them, “Drink
wine.” But they said, “We will drink no wine, for Jonadab the son of Rechab,
our father, commanded us, saying, ‘You shall drink no wine, you nor your sons,
forever.… Thus, we have obeyed the voice of Jonadab the son of Rechab, our
father, in all that he charged us, to drink no wine all our days, we, our
wives, our sons, or our daughters, …. But we have dwelt in tents, and have
obeyed and done according to all that Jonadab our father commanded us. But it
came to pass, when Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon came up into the land, that
we said, ‘Come, let us go to Jerusalem for fear of the army of the Chaldeans
and for fear of the army of the Syrians.’ So we dwell at Jerusalem.” Then came
the word of the Lord to Jeremiah, saying, “Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God
of Israel: ‘Go and tell the men of Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem,
“Will you not receive instruction to obey My words?” says the Lord. “The words
of Jonadab the son of Rechab, which he commanded his sons, not to drink wine,
are performed; for to this day they drink none, and obey their father’s
commandment. But although I have spoken to you, rising early and speaking, you
did not obey Me.”
I have noticed that someone can be righteously disobedient to God. When Peter was told, “Rise up, kill and eat,” he said, “Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is unclean.” (Acts 10: 13-15).
Some people would have jumped at the slightest opportunity to have a drinking spree. Imagine a prophet with stellar character in the person of Jeremiah telling his congregants in the House of the Lord that God had instructed them to drink. Any other family could jump at this opportunity, but not the Rechabites. They told Prophet Jeremiah to his face:
“We will not because it is not in our character to. Our forefathers commanded us not to and we will not!”
God was impressed and so used the Rechabites as an example to the whole Nation of Israel. You will be considered a successful parent when your children have the culture of saying, “No!” when pressured to do what they were taught are wrong.
Example of Daughters of Zelophehad
Teach your children to be audacious and positive change-agents. Daughters of Zelophehad were. They would not have been if they were not taught to be.
I pity men and women who do not raise their daughters the way their daughters should be raised or being disappointed that they have only daughters rather than sons because one quality daughter is far better than one thousand useless sons.
Being Christians does not translate to being cowardly. You have to know when to demand for what belongs to you. When pitched to the wall, Apostle Paul demanded for what was his in a very audacious manner. Acts 22:23-29 tells us:
And as they were crying out and throwing off their cloaks and tossing dust into the air, the commander ordered him to be brought into the barracks, stating that he should be examined by scourging so that he might find out the reason why they were shouting against him that way. But when they stretched him out with thongs, Paul said to the centurion who was standing by, “Is it lawful for you to scourge a man who is a Roman and uncondemned?” When the centurion heard this, he went to the commander and told him, saying, “What are you about to do? For this man is a Roman.” The commander came and said to him, “Tell me, are you a Roman?” And he said, “Yes.” The commander answered, “I acquired this citizenship with a large sum of money.” And Paul said, “But I was actually born a citizen.” Therefore those who were about to examine him immediately let go of him; and the commander also was afraid when he found out that he was a Roman, and because he had put him in chains.
Do not let people take you for a ride – demand for your right, but do so with grace and tact. Numbers 27:1-8 tells us about amazing audacious girls who were positive change-agents:
Then the daughters of Zelophehad, the son of Hepher, the son of Gilead, the son of Machir, the son of Manasseh, of the families of Manasseh the son of Joseph, came near; and these are the names of his daughters: Mahlah, Noah and Hoglah and Milcah and Tirzah. They stood before Moses and before Eleazar the priest and before the leaders and all the congregation, at the doorway of the tent of meeting, saying, “Our father died in the wilderness, yet he was not among the company of those who gathered themselves together against the LORD in the company of Korah; but he died in his own sin, and he had no sons. “Why should the name of our father be withdrawn from among his family because he had no son? Give us a possession among our father’s brothers.” So Moses brought their case before the LORD. Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, “The daughters of Zelophehad are right in their statements. You shall surely give them a hereditary possession among their father’s brothers, and you shall transfer the inheritance of their father to them. Further, you shall speak to the sons of Israel, saying, ‘If a man dies and has no son, then you shall transfer his inheritance to his daughter.’”
Instill courage in your children. No matter their gender, teach them to value their opinions and to cause positive changes wherever they are. If not for the courageous courage of Zelophehad’s daughters, a longstanding culture of deprivations and discriminations in Israel would not have been changed.
I do not know the negative cultures that define your community and environment. If you want to make a positive change, raise an army of positive change-agents.
Example of Daniel and His
Friends
Teach your children to have character and to stand on what they believe in wherever they are. One of the ways to know when you have raised a child with character is when he/she is out of your radar.
Daniel and his friends were
taken out of their homes in Israel into a far country where the True God was
not worshipped and where there was no one to look over their shoulders. But
because their parents planted the fear of God in them, they moderated their
lives in a foreign land where “freedom” was everything that young people
needed. Daniel 1:3-8 tells us:
Then
the king ordered Ashpenaz, chief of his court officials, to bring into the
king’s service some of the Israelites from the royal family and the nobility - young men
without any physical defect, handsome, showing aptitude for every kind of
learning, well informed, quick to understand, and qualified to serve in
the king’s palace. He was to teach them the language and literature of the
Babylonians. The king assigned them a daily amount of
food and wine from the king’s table. They were to be trained for
three years, and after that they were to enter the king’s service. Among
those who were chosen were some from Judah: Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and
Azariah. The chief official gave them new names:
to Daniel, the name Belteshazzar; to Hananiah, Shadrach; to Mishael,
Meshach; and to Azariah, Abednego. But Daniel resolved not to
defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief
official for permission not to defile himself this way. (NIV)
We all know the story of what happened after. What was the staying power of these young people? While in their homes, their parents succeeded in planting the fear of God and His Presence in them. This was a great insurance, which guaranteed that they would not misbehave and should they for any reason misbehave, would quickly retrace their steps.
Teach your children to be God-conscious (II Chronicles 16:9; Proverbs 15:3; Hebrews 4:13). Make this a major part of their personal cultures. God’s consciousness would keep them from messing around and muddling up their morality by sowing wild oaths (Exodus 20:20; Genesis 39:9). Nothing satisfies and more assuring than knowing that your children are God-fearing; that they will not compromise their morality and Faith; that they will not let peer pressure or any kind of pressure to “give that which is holy to dogs nor pearls to swine” (Matthew 7:6).
Teach them to treasure their valuables. One Bible passage that best speaks of parental influence and the impacts it has on our young is found in Song of Solomon 8:8-10:
We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will inclose her with boards of cedar. “I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.”
This is awesome! In the above passage, siblings of a young girl were afraid that she would compromise her morality, saying that if she were to be a wall (impregnable), they would build upon her battlement of silver (honour her) but if she were to be a door (public utility – people going in and coming out), they would inclose her. Expectedly, the young girl stated, “I am a wall….”
Can we train our children to be God-fearing and uncompromising? Godly children are their parents’ pride.
God expects the family of Christians to teach their children to have dignity. Anyone with dignity has a strong moral base (foundation). No one with dignity would cheapen himself or herself even for all the gold in the world (Genesis 39:6-13). If a child has dignity he/she would become a wall, not a door, an exclusive reserve, not everybody’s property (Songs of Solomon 8:8-10).
PARENTING IS TOUGH BUSINESS
In his book, The Strong Family: Growing Wise in Family Life, Chuck Swindoll (1991:10) tells the story of Charlie Shedd. Before he became a father, Mr. Shedd held public speaking engagements. He titled his presentation, “How To Raise Your Children.” His seminars attracted large audiences. Then Mr. Shedd became a father. After a while, he organized another seminar on the same subject under a different title, “Some Suggestions To Parents.” After several children later, he changed the title of his message to, “Feeble Hints to Fellow Strugglers.” After this, he seldom gave that message. However, when he did years later, his theme was, “Anyone Here Got A Few Words of Wisdom?”
It is not easy being a parent because parenting is not a tea-party affair. It is as serious as seriousness. As a parent, your business is to mould characters and to define destinies. As a parent, you are a caretaker. One day, you are going to give account of each of your children to God (cf. Hebrews 2:13).
WHAT GOD EXPECTS OF A CHRISTIAN MAN
Take Care of Your Family
The power to feed is the power to lead. No man who is worth his salt as a man can afford not to do his duties of providing for his family (I Timothy 5:8). Times are hard and the economy tough, I agree. However, I assure you that when you do your best, your family would know that you are doing your best. Do not be an absentee father and never abandon your duty posts.
It is the duty of a father to save up for his children, not the other way (II Corinthians 12:14). Succinctly stated, a good father bequeaths wealth to his children (Proverbs 19:14a).
You must wake up and take care of your family materially. You must wake up and take care of your family physically. You must wake up and take care of your family spiritually. Success or failure of your family rests squarely on your shoulders.
As a man, you must provide leadership. A good leader leads from the front, not from behind. In view of this, you must show example. The power of personal example is powerful. What your children see you do is what they will likely do. Your house is your children’s learning ground. When a goat chews curd, its young watches. Edgar A. Guest described the power of example in his award-winning poem, I Rather See A Sermon:
I would rather see a Sermon each
day than to hear one.
I would rather that you lead me
than merely show the way….
Support Your Husband
From the word, “Go,” women were created as “helpmeet.” While a husband is the head of the house, his wife is the shoulder. As a Christian woman, you should never sabotage your husband. Be Submissive To Him In The Will of God whether he is poor or rich, handsome or ugly, educated or an illiterate.
As a helpmeet, you should support him physically, morally, emotionally and spiritually. Be the Virtuous Woman of Proverbs 31 to your husband.
COLLABORATE TO SUCCEED AS A FAMILY
To achieve success at the
home front as a family, a Christian man and a Christian woman must collaborate
to ensure that what God expects of them are realized. Mike Udam (2014) wrote
that Christian men and women should take care of each other as they seek to
play their roles effectively. He wrote that a husband should:
- Provide for his wife’s needs.
- Show interest in her health and how she is feeling at any particular point in time.
- Show interest in helping her family.
- Make her feel the way she was feeling when he was courting her.
- Surprise her with gifts once in a while
- Meet her emotional needs.
- Criticize her privately, rebuke her gently.
- Make her feel important.
- Share his dreams and visions with her.
- Be transparent in his financial dealings.
- Have strong shoulders to take care of the needs of his children.
- Pray for his wife’s success daily.
- Protect and defend his wife.
For the Christian woman in the home,
Brother Udam wrote that she should:
- Listen to her husband’s instructions at all times, except when it conflicts with plain teachings of God’s Word.
- Consider him as “lord” or “master” as well the driver of the family bus.
- Consult with him before executing any of her decisions that can impact on the family.
- Work with him in child discipline.
- Seek approval from him before any major financial transactions are undertaken.
- Never criticize his leadership style publicly.
- Never deny him his emotional entitlements.
- Take time to listen to him well before reacting.
- Help to cover his nakedness and not to make announcements about it.
- Pray for his success daily.
- Have strong shock absorbers to accommodate his mistakes as the family bus is in motion.
CONCLUSION
When we live
to fulfill God’s expectations of us, He will be honoured in our lives and
families. May God give us the grace to meet His expectations of us as far as
family life is concerned.
Thank you.
REFERENCES
Bruce McLarty, B. (1997). Judges: Survival Skills For Concerned Christians. Arkansas, USA: Truth for Today.
Ezenwanne, Dor. A. B. (2018). Parenting and Society. Enugu: Grand-Heritage Global Communications.
Swindoll, C. (1991). The Strong Family: Growing Wise in Family Life. Dallas, Texas: Word Publishing.
Udam, Mike (2014). Messages For The 21st Century Man. Nsukka:
Grand-Heritage Global Communications.
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