CULTIVATING AND SUSTAINING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

 EXORDIUM

        Relationship is at the heart of human existence. Man was created to fulfill the need for fellowship. Relationship in itself is universal fellowship, which can be cultivated and sustained with just about any person irrespective of race, religion, social, academic and economic standings; theological, philosophical and political orientations.

Because we share a common humanity, we need each other. By Divine design, we are extensions of each other. I am you by a different name and you are me by another name. We are each other by different psychological, social and biological constitutions.

The well-being one is the prosperity of the other while the misfortune of one is the hurt of the other (Romans 12:15; I Cor. 12:26). We cannot do without each other! You are important to me as I am important to you. This probably is the reason we must cultivate and sustain relationships with each other. For relationships to serve their useful purposes there must be a generating and sustaining power.

Let me say that each of us hold the key to healthy, effective and meaningful relationships. I am the key to locking and unlocking relationships. I can open doors as well as close doors. I am a catalyst: by what I say and do, I can set machineries in motion or initiate the process of retardation and retrogression.

It is pertinent to state that our Lord Jesus Christ placed high premium on relationships. Large volumes of His teachings were geared towards cultivating and maintaining relationships with God and with fellowmen. Christian Scripture points out that a faulty relationship can adversely affect one’s worship of God (Matthew 5:23-24) and also has the capacity to place one on the wrong side of God (cf. Hebrews 12:14b).   

OUTLINE OF PRESENTATION

 I. WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP?

        Cicero, a Roman sage opined that words should be defined so that everyone concerned would come to appreciate the subject of enquiry. In view of this, we ask, “What is relationship?”

        Relationship is the interconnection or interdependence of two (or more) persons in order to achieve some goals.

        There are different kinds of relationships: parasitic and symbiotic. In parasitic relationships, one is always giving and the other is always receiving. This, to a large extent is negative. In symbiotic (mutual) relationships, parties involved are benefiting from each other. This, to a large extent is positive.

There are various genres of relationships in existence:

1.   Marital.

2.   Parent-child.

3.   Siblings.

4.   Friends and school mates;

5.   Colleagues at work or at shop.

6.   Neighbours.

7.   Mere acquaintances.      

        We all need to ask ourselves whether we are parasites or beneficial to those with whom we are in relationships. People tend to resent those who parasite on them but treasure those who add value to their lives.

II. CREATING AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS    

Electricity must be generated and sustained; else, power supply would remain a mirage. The same is also true of relationships. To cultivate (generate) relationships, a number of factors must be taken into consideration. Insurances for successful relationships are common interests, harmony, and understanding.

Some factors that lead to cultivation of relationships include but not limited to:

1.  ATTRACTION

Relationships cannot be cultivated and sustained without some elements of attraction. Something in someone must ignite interest in another. Perhaps, this attraction may be a factor of the way an individual speaks, smiles, laughs, or reasons; it may have to do with a person’s dedication to duties, religious zeal, faithfulness to Kingdom business, natural intelligence, education, knowledge of Scripture, ability to socialize, emotional maturity, wealth or physical beauty, etcetera. Anything can set machineries in motion for an attraction.

Attraction can be cultivated. Anyone who desires a particular kind of relationship can engineer interests in others. Proverbs 18:24 says, “He who desires to be a friend must make himself friendly.”  

Attraction compels but lack of attraction repels. We all need to ask ourselves individually, “Does my personality compel or repel? Do people like to be around me or am I an end to any discussion whenever my presence is felt?”

Am I attractive? What kind of persons do I attract to myself? “Where a carcass is there the eagles will gather” (Matthew 24:28).

 

2.  EXPECTATIONS

People who cultivate relationships do so because of certain intrinsic and extrinsic expectations. These perceived benefits could be material or spiritual; temporal or long-lasting.

Expectations play huge roles, explaining why we all cultivate certain relationships and make efforts to sustain them. When our expectations are met, we feel satisfied and want to continue but when our expectations are not met, we would want such expectations to end.

These expectations may be procreative in nature or need to ward off loneliness; business or career development; academic or economic; personal development, intellectual, emotional or spiritual stimulations.

3.  PHYSICAL PROXIMITY

Nature abhors vacuum. The people we meet on a daily basis and have contacts with are likely the very people we would naturally want to cultivate relationships with. They are the world we know. When we leave the areas where we meet the people we have cultivated relationships with, we would put them on the back burner and cultivate relationships with a new set of people.

Having thus stated, the people we have frequent contacts with are the ones we would most likely cultivate relationships than those who are afar from us. Often, the available becomes the desirable and out-of-sight more often than not, become out of mind.    

4.  ATTITUDES

Attitude is everything in relationships. Attitudes can make one a darling or repulsive. Our attitudes can make us come “alive” in people or can make you “dead” in them (II Cor. 7:3).

5.  COMPATIBILITY

Compatibility is a key issue in creating and sustaining relationships. People who have high levels of compatibility have a 90% success rate in building and sustaining relationships. Incompatible people do not see eye-to-eye and would end up going through the motions without being truly in relationships.

Amos 3:3 brings to fore issues germane to compatibility. Two persons who do not see eye-to-eye on certain issues cannot bloom in a relationship. Birds of the same feather would always flock together.

Compatibility raises a whole lot of issues such as emotional, psychological and theological compatibilities. Do you share common ethical, religious, social, political, economic, etcetera?

II Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoke together… for what fellowship has light with darkness…?” If you are light, you are not compatible with darkness. Therefore, you cannot relate effectively with darkness of any means (Ephesians 5:11-14). Any relationship entered into is bound to fail.

If your thinking differs from another, any relationship cultivated with such a person can hardly be sustained because there are bound to be Tsumanis along the way.

Issues relating to compatibility include:

a.   Do you think alike?

b.  Do you share a common world view?

c.   Do you share a common religious faith?

d.  Will you be able to tolerate each other’s idiocies?

e.   Is the pendulum swinging to your favour or disfavour in a ratio of 80 – 20; 70 – 30; 60 – 40 or 50 – 50 and vice-versa.

III. FACTORS RESPONSIBLE FOR SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS

1.  Effective communication

Effective communication is key to sustaining healthy relationships. Let grace define your communication contents (Col.4:6) and endeavour not to incite negative emotions with words (Prov. 15:1). Often, speaking “truth” requires saying it the way they should be said without recourse to whose ox is gored, yet, we can still speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) without being antagonistic or project the image of an enemy.

Words can hurt, words can heal. Be careful of what you say and how you say it. “…be quick to hear, but slow to speak….” (James 1:19). Use words sparingly. If you must be generous with words use it to affirm those in your relationships. Use words to build, not to destroy or to pull people down.

2.  Practice reciprocity

Reciprocity thrives in an atmosphere of mutual surrenderedness (Eph. 5:21). It is a fall-for-me and I fall-for-you game. Reciprocity is the right palm greasing the left palm and vice-versa. “Consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24). Relational sharpening should be practiced, “For as iron sharpens iron so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

Be generous, be large-hearted, assured that, “The liberal soul shall be made fat and he who watered shall himself also be watered” (Prov.11: 25). The measure you give will always be the measure you will receive. Therefore, give unselfishly and unconditionally.

Do you want to receive a good measure from the person you are in relationships with? Then give him/her that which you want to receive from him or her. It is not only respect that is reciprocal, love and affection are. Our Lord advised, “Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, they will pour into your lap. For whatever measure you deal out to others it will be dealt back to you in return” (Luke 6:38).

Here is the hub of reciprocity: treat people the exact way you want to be treated. Practice the golden rule. Do you want a faithful, caring, loving, humane, understanding, and affectionate friend? Here is a secret -  “Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do so for them; for this is the law and the prophets” (Matthew 7:12). Affirm and be affirmed. Love and be loved. Care and be cared for. Speak well and be spoken well to. Always take the initiative-practice reciprocity.

Reciprocity has the potential of restoring affection to a bad marriage. What many people do not understand is that affection is affectous. Affection is the oil that keeps friction out of relationships. Maintaining affection is like keeping one’s flavour. The moment one loses his/her flavour, that same moment the downward trend of losing his/her flair takes place in one’s partner.

Respect must be mutual and everything possibly must be reciprocal.

3.  Be altruistic

Do not get into relationship just because of what you will gain but with a mindset of what you can contribute. When we get into relationships principally because of what we will benefit, we will end up disappointed because we will become opportunists and gold-diggers.

When parties to a relationship are controlled by what they can get from each other and not what they can contribute to each other, it becomes a cat and mouse game. I like what Theodore Borett said, “I have bound myself for life; I have made my choice; from now on my aim will not be to choose a woman who would please me but to please the woman that I have chosen.”

4.  Create emotional bank account

Create emotional bank accounts and make huge deposits into them. This is a tool you can use to cultivate as well as sustain relationships.

As you can walk into a bank to create a Savings, Current, Corporate and Domiciliary accounts; make deposits into them and draw from, in the same way you can create various emotional bank accounts in people you are relating with, make large deposits therein and at critical moments you can make withdrawals (Luke 6:38; Prov. 11:25; Hebrews 10:24).

Our Lord Jesus Christ was able to create strong emotional bank accounts in His Apostles so much so that when the chips were down He was able to make large withdrawals (John 6:66-70).

Creating emotional bank accounts in people and depositing into them are not too difficult. They are as simple as showing genuine interests in them and in their welfare; visiting with them, praying with them and for them; calling them on phone, sending text messages, using positive affirmations, making them feel important in your presence, give them gifts, etcetera.

When you do these, you will be surprised at the amount of goodwill you will enjoy and the outpouring of emotions towards your person.

5.  RIGHTEOUSNESS (Luke 1: 5-6; Prov. 14:34)

Righteousness is a powerful ingredient towards building enduring and God-honouring relationships whether it is marriage, business, social, educational, etcetera.

Is your partner righteous? Does this relationship lead you away from God or lead you towards God? As Christians, any relationship that does not increase our levels of righteousness is doomed from start. No matter how beneficial a relationship maybe but dugs into the very foundations of our righteousness, we must do well to put a stop to that (cf. Mark 9:34ff).

6.  UNDERSTANDING (Prov. 24: 3; I Pet. 3:7)

Misunderstanding is a cog in the wheel of progress while understanding promotes cohesion of any relationship.

Understanding is the ability of persons in any given relationship to appreciate the strengths and weaknesses of each other. To accomplish this, those in relationships should be able to ask:

a.           Who is he/she?

b.          What are his/her strengths and weaknesses?

c.           What is it that can make or mar his/her day?”

Understanding is one’s ability to predict and interpret the various moods of the persons we are in relationships with. It is the ability to study one’s partner as one would study a good book from page to page.

One of the things that understanding will do for you is recognition of individual differences and each other’s “No – go - areas.”

7.  LEARN THE ART OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT (PROV. 17:14)

It is practically impossible not to have misunderstandings of various sorts between and by people in any given relationship. That is to say, in relationships there are bound to be conflicts of interests. There are several conflict generators. Your ability to navigate and manage conflicts will go a long way to sustain your relationships.

Some principles to apply in managing conflicts are:

a.   Maturity (Genesis 13:7-11).

b.   Doing nothing rash (Acts 18:36).

c.   Allowing yourself to be cheated (I Cor. 6:7-8).

d.   Being a fool (I Cor. 4:10).  

e.   Learning to overlook (Prov. 20:3).

f.    Agreeing to disagree.

8. MAKE PEOPLE FEEL IMPORTANT

Make people feel important without demeaning your person. It was said that Queen Elizabeth of England had two close male friends. When asked to comment on her impressions about the two men – of one, she said she felt uncomfortable because anytime he was in her presence, he would make her feel that he was the most important person in the world but of the second man she said she craved her company because anytime he was in her presence, he would make her feel as if she was the most important person in the world.

People like to feel good about themselves. Anyone who makes people feel good, such a person’s company is valued.

Make people feel important. Downplay your own needs but play up theirs. Talk more positively of the people in your life and less of yourself (cf. John 3:30). When you make people feel important, they in turn will celebrate you – you will become their hero or heroine. You will become their champion!

Forget yourself for others (Phil.2:3-4ff). The same people you forget yourself for will never forget you. Few may tend to, but the rest will not. You will be alive in their hearts. By this, you will succeed in strategically positing yourself in the psyche of these people. This is the principle that our Lord Jesus Christ employed (II Corinthians 5:14-15).

On the other hand, when you demean people and make your influence bear unnecessarily on them, they would not only loathe you, they will never near your camp.         

CONCLUSION

        There is no gainsaying the fact that we are all in one form of relationship or another and would want to be involved in other forms of relationships. As social beings, we love to relate with people and would want to feel senses of belonging, direction and fulfillment.

We can make our relationships count by being more selfless and sacrificial than being demanding, sarcastic and antagonistic.

Thank you for your time and attention. God bless us all in Jesus’ name!     

CHRISTIAN YOUTHS AND THE HIDDEN GIANTS IN THEM: AWAKEN THE GIANT; UNLEASH YOUR POTENTIALS

 It was Mariah Carey, the United States born African American Diva, who in one of her soul-stirring and inspiring songs, “A Hero Lies Within You” stated,

There is a hero,

If you look inside your heart,

You cannot be afraid of what you are;

There is a man inside, if you reach into your soul,

And the sorrow that you know will melt away;

Then you feel you’ve come to life, with the strength to carry on;

Then you cast your fears aside, and you know you can survive

So when you feel that hope is gone, look inside and be strong,

And finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you.  

Indeed, there is a hero/heroin in you.

Centuries earlier, Apostle Paul inspired by God’s Holy Spirit charged Timothy, a young Minister serving in the city of Ephesus, amongst other things, “To stir (Fan into flame) the gift of God that is in” him (II Timothy 1:6-7).

        Without need to over labour the issue, we all need to awaken to the reality that within each of us lay hidden, great potentials mostly untapped. Until we explore and exploit these “Hidden treasures” we would never fully accomplish God’s purposes for our lives.

        Several Scripture passages point to the fact that as earthen vessels, there lie inside each of us treasures of inestimable values. One such passage is II Corinthians 4:7 where God’s Word unequivocally states, “We have these treasures in earthen vessels….” Treasures in earthen vessels? Yes, “…Treasures in earthen vessels.”

        This means that for everyone created by God there lies within talents of immense possibilities with a view to providing certain solutions bedeviling mankind. Succinctly stated, you were created a solutions’ provider. In other words, God created you to solve specific problems. You would not have been born if it were not that a Divine seal of greatness is placed upon your life. I dare to say, therefore, that every creature in the image and likeness of God is created with immeasurable Divine deposits, which when realized and harnessed could lead to accomplishing God’s overall purposes for our planet and for humanity in particular. Scripture attests to the fact that without certain people God’s overall agenda would be incomplete (Hebrews 11:40). You and I are part of a generation that causes the whole of Heavenly Host to wonder (I Peter 1:10 -12).

        Because you are part of a special generation, you are altogether special.  

        The topic assigned to me is, CHRISTIAN YOUTHS AND THE HIDDEN GIANTS IN THEM. This is a somewhat difficult topic but I shall try my best to see that I share something that would motivate you.

        Let me say that by the topic assigned to me, I was not asked to specifically pin-point to and name the “giants” that are in each of us, rather, my assignment is to lay the foundation for you to build the superstructures that would set machineries in motion for you to identify your areas of gifting, exploit them and awaken the giant that lies within you.

        Let me say these: UNLIMITED POWER LIES SLEEPING WITHIN YOU! To awaken this giant will be a function of what you know, what you do and your partnership with God (Job 8:5-7, 21).

DEFINITION OF TERMS

Words are powerful tools. Your worlds can be turned around for either good or bad. This is why it is important that any study of this nature should commence with definitions; definition of terms. We want to take cursory look into the following words: “Self”, “Discovery” and “Potential.” These are words, which have the potentials of awakening the hero or heroine in you. We begin with the word, “Self.”

According to Oxford Advanced Learners’ dictionary, Self is, “A person’s nature or personality; the qualities that make one individual”. Self is you. Self is Me. I am not what I am because of what I look on the outside but what I am in the inside of me. The real me is what makes me thick. My name is not me, it is my spoken person, a kind of an identification by which I am identified from among others. My face is not me; it is the symbol that I am immediately recognized. It does not in any way represent the totality of my person. Some other person may possess the same features that I have but he is not me. If none of these describe me, who then is me? What is my “Self”? I am distinct, Unfathomable. I am unique, I am Great. I am greater than I can be thought of. Self is beyond human comprehension and description. No one has the ability to describe another better than the person who is himself. Self-knowledge is principally the result of an introspective look.     

“DISCOVERY

 The word “Discovery” is from the root word, “Discover”. It means, “Knowledge of a thing existing already but not perceived or known”. The word, Discovery speaks not of invention or manufacture, but a reassertion of the identity and presence of a thing or a being. When a discovery is made, it does not mean that it is the first time such a thing is seen, rather the time when its worth is realized. It denotes locating that which is hidden.  Crude oil was discovered in Nigeria in 1957 but that does not mean that it had not been there all along. We learnt that late Mungo Park discovered River Niger, but does that mean that River Niger had not been there all along? It had. Ourselves have been with us since we were created, conceived and given birth to but until we discover who we are, we cannot be said to have realized self.

Self-discovery leads to self-recovery, self-recovery leads to self-realization and self-realization leads to self-actualization. Plato, a Greek sage once exhorted, “Man, knows thyself”.

Self-discovery, principally, is self-realization and awareness of our personal worth, abilities and capabilities. It is an understanding of the latent abilities that one possesses but which lie hidden, unexplored but upon realization begins to be tapped into for the individual’s good.

Important questions that would lead one to the road of self-discovery are, “Who Am I?” and “Why Am I Here?” First, I am me, a creature of God, a creature of destiny and not of chance. I am created for a purpose and that purpose must be fulfilled in my generation. I am made in the very image of God. What God is, I am.  In fact, I am a god. Jesus said it emphatically thus confirming prophetic utterance, “Is it not written in your law, ‘I said you are gods’ ” (John 10:34).

I possess in me the Divine nature (II Pet.1: 3-4). For instance God’s word is creative (Gen. 1:3f; Ps.33: 9) and our own words can be creative too (Job 22: 29; Mark 11:22-23).

POTENTIAL

According to Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary, potential is “Latent”. The word, Latent is derived from the Latin word, “Latere” and it means, “Lie hidden, not apparent, dormant.” A dig into the etymology of the word, “Latent,” shows that it is synonymous with the following words: Dormant, Quiescent, Potential, and Abeyant.

Latent “Stresses concealment as that which is present without showing itself”, Dormant  “Suggests inactivity as a thing that is asleep; Quiescent refers to the “cessation of action, usually for the time being”. Potential “Applies to that which does not yet exist but is bound to exist if the process of coming into being is not arrested”; Abeyant “Applies to being in abeyance, or state of suspended activity.”

Potentials refer to the innate abilities and to maximize it means to enlarge and stretch our abilities to their very limit. To some extent, our abilities are inelastic – the more you stretch it the better it becomes.  All of us have talents which should be developed for the purposes of launching into our various stardoms. Each of us is a Success waiting to be celebrated.

GOD HAS A PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE

        Anthony Robbins in his classic, Awaken the Giant Within (1991:22) observes:

At a very early age, I developed a belief that we’re all here to contribute something unique, that deep within each of us lies a special gift. You see, I truly believe we all have a sleeping giant within us. Each of us has a talent, a gift, our own bit of genius just waiting to be tapped. It might be a talent for art or music. It might be a genius for selling or innovating or reaching out in your business or your career. I choose to believe that our Creator doesn’t play favorites, that we’ve all been created unique, but with equal opportunities for experiencing life to the fullest.

Through it all, I’ve continued to recognize the power individuals have to change virtually anything and everything in their lives in an instant. I’ve learned that the resources we need to turn our dreams into reality are within us, merely waiting for the day when we decide to wake up and claim our birthright. 

 

        Who you are is a gift from God but what you become out of who you are is your gift back to God. Talents come in raw state, which requires some kinds of identification, exploration, refinement and exploitation (Mining) without which such talents are lost or at best kept in abeyance.

        Talents are gifts from God and everyone has it (Matthew 25:14-30). Some seem to have more than others. In reality, there are people who make more uses of their talents than others. The moment you discover what your gifting is, utilize those gifting, you begin to bloom, soar and shine in the sun.

        Your gift is your passport to earthly destiny (achievements, contributions to the development of the human race and sense of fulfillment). You cannot be greater than your talents. In fact, it is your talent(s) that ultimately defines or define you, gives direction to your life and assign you a place in society. So, if there is anything you must do: discover who you are; what you are gifted in and utilize it (them) to the full – Awaken the Giant Within!

AWAKENING THE GIANT

        Awakening the giant within is a function of many factors: principally that of self-discovery. Self-discovery is a step to self-recovery. Self-discovery begins the moment you are able identify yourself as a creature of design and purpose; identify what you love to do, what you have passion for; what gives you satisfaction and your Unique Setting Point (USP); the things that sets you apart from the pack, or the unique value you have among others (what you do better than others).

        Having done these, you carry out a SWOT analysis on yourself. In this effort, you consider your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. Those would mark the beginning of your concerted effort to unleash your potentials and to maximize them.

ACQUIRE KNOWLEDGE, GAIN SKILLS

        We live in a knowledge-driven world where your ability to unleash your potentials is a function of what you know and what you do with what you know. In view of this, you must endeavour to learn, unlearn and re-learn. Proverbs 4:7 states that “…Wisdom is the principal thing.” To be sure, knowledge is the younger brother to wisdom.

        Next to knowledge are skills. To add value and strategically position yourself to unleash yourself, skills become the next ally you need. Skills are innate potentials transformed into marketable qualities.

TAKE CHARGE; BE IN CONTROL

        One major area of your life in your quest towards unleashing your potentials that you must give considerable thoughts to is the area of personal responsibility. You must as a matter of fact be in charge; you must take control. Do not surrender your life to faces, forces and farces.

        Robert Harold Schuller in his all-time bestseller, Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do! (1983:92-108) suggests areas where anyone who desires to awaken the hidden giants in him or her should never surrender the leadership of his or her life to, namely:

1.   Do not surrender to outside forces.

2.   Do not surrender to faces.

3.   Do not surrender to farces (lies).

4.   Do not surrender to fences (negative concepts).

5.   Do not surrender to frustrations.

6.   Do not surrender to fantasies.

7.   Do not surrender to fears.

8.   Do not surrender to fatigue.

9.   Do not surrender to faults.

10. Do not surrender to facts.

11. Do not surrender to frenzies.

12. Do not surrender to fates.

13. Do not surrender to forecasts.

14. Do not surrender to your foes.

15. Do not surrender to your friends.

16. Do not surrender to fracturing experiences of life.

17. Do not surrender to flattening-out experiences of life.

BUT SURRENDER ONLY TO ONE THING – FAITH!

Surrender to your faith in God and faith in yourself. Learn to doubt your doubt and to have faith in your faith.

        You must henceforth blame no one for your failures and lack of successes in life. You must be at the driver’s seat of your own life. You must take full and unreserved responsibilities of what your life finally turns out. You must be in charge of your emotions, reasoning and environments. You must become master and not slave anymore.

        You must appreciate the fact that no one owes you anything in life but you owe yourself everything – Everything you will ever be begins and ends with you. That is, you either rise or fall with yourself. My charge to you, therefore, is BE IN CHARGE! Take your deserved place in history.

        Stop banking on people; Bank on God and on yourself. The day you stop looking up to people and start looking up to God and on to yourself – that will be the day of your jubilee. Stop looking outwards and start looking upwards and inwards! When you look upwards, the power behind the universe may direct you to look inwards. This is because all that you need to succeed in life have all been deposited inside of you. There is a miracle in this house (cf. Isaiah 8:16, 18).

You must realize that God has given to each of us “…all things that pertain to life and godliness” (II Peter 1:3). Everything you need to shine and outshine are inside of you. See yourself the way you should, not the way you shouldn’t; see yourself the way God sees you and has created you. See yourself the way God has created you to be not the way your environment has turned you. The “environment” in this case is your biological make-up, your family’s background, educational attainments, etcetera.    

The moment you realize that you are a powerhouse of possibilities, that same moment you will lift up from base, take flight and soar!   

 

 

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF TIME AND WORK HARD

        Time is one of the greatest allies of anyone who desires to awaken the hidden giant in himself or herself. It is also one of the greatest enemies one has. I work extra hours; I work almost 20 hours everyday. When people go to sleep, I am working and I wake up while many are still asleep to continue to work. Jesus said, “Because my Father works till now, I also work.”      

        Working out your talents is translating your dreams into practical realities. Coming from a very poor economic background where I had to stop schooling at Primary Five and was sent to be an apprentice in Enugu in 1981 because there was no one to pay my school fees, I know I could not change the circumstances of my birth and death but I, at least can influence the way I live and how life finally turns out for me.

        Therefore, to dream, fold your hands, hope and wait for God’s time to come would not take you anywhere. You must plan your work and work your plan! That way, your hidden talents and giants will emerge to bless your life and your generations.

FOCUS IS A MAJOR KEY FACTOR

Writing on the power of focus, Anthony Robbins in his classic, Awaken the Giant Within (1991:22) stated:

Most people have no idea of the giant capacity we can immediately command when we focus all our resources on mastering a single area of our lives. Controlled Focus is like a laser beam that can cut through anything that seems to be stopping you. When we focus consistently on improvement in any area, we develop unique distinctions on how to make that area better. One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power.  

     My entire life has been continually driven by a singular, compelling focus: what makes the difference in the quality of people’s lives? How is it that so often people from such humble beginnings and devastating backgrounds manage in spite of it all to create lives that inspire us? Conversely, why do many of those born into privileged environments with every resource for success at their fingertips, end up fat, frustrated, and often chemically addicted? What makes some people live an example and others’ a warning? What is the secret that creates passionate, happy, and grateful lives in many, while for others the refrain might be, “Is that all there is?”

One can be born rich and die poor. On the other hand, one can be born poor and die wealthy. What is the difference? The difference lay in the fact that one lacked focus and so allowed the giant in him or her to die while the other had focus and so awoke the giant within.  

STEPS TO SELF-DISCOVERY AND AWKENING

THE GIANT IN YOU

REALIZE THAT YOU ARE SPECIAL (PSALM 139:14)

We are all creatures of design. Each of us is a bundle of wonder. In his booklet, You Can Be Just A Christian, Jim Massey wrote of human body, “It has self-restoring, self-healing systems. Its ears are a sophisticated and stereophonic auditor system. It has a tireless system of muscles. Its digestive system is rugged yet precise. Its taste-smell machinery is sensitive and analytical. Its skeleton is well engineered. Its blood circulation system is extensive and trouble free. It has a computerized memory-bank brain. It has a very sensitive nerve network. It has a programmed glandular-hormone system…. It has a ventilation-insulation skin envelope…. It has a reproductive system, which is unfathomable. Its voice and language mechanisms are unique. It has an elaborate danger-warning reaction system. Its eyes have-wide-angle living colour lens which are alive.” MAN IS A BUNDLE OF WONDER.

REALIZE THAT THERE IS A VAST DEPOSIT OF POTENTIALS IN EACH OF US (MATTHEW 6: 22-23; II TIMOTHY 1: 6-7).

I do not know if you know but I know that you should know that there is an important thing in you, an enormous amount of divine deposit, something that the devil is after at all cost. The Word of God calls it, “Light” and “Gift of God” according to the two passages cited earlier. This Light can be extinguished or “Fanned into Flame”; it can be used in distinguishing us from the rest. This Light can be made to glow, enabling each of to flow in the direction that God intends for us.

Discover this Light that is within you. Open your eyes to its possibilities, to the enormous resources it can bring your way and you would be happy and fulfilled. If this Light in you grows dim for any reason whatsoever, you would live in perpetual darkness of unrealized dreams (cf. Matthew 6:23).

Do you want to live in darkness or in Light? Allow the Light within you to burst into radiance, consuming your ignorance and eliminating your limitations.

“How do I know the particular kind of Light that I possess?” you may ask. My response is simple - What talent do you love to exhibit most? Then major in that area and you would become a star.

HOW CAN WE FAN OUR GIFTS INTO FLAME?

1. KNOW THAT YOUR THOUGHTS CAN MAKE OR MAR YOU

    (PROVERBS 23:7).

a.   For this reason engage in positive thinking and Mind Renewal exercises (Ephesians 4:23; Proverbs 4:23).

b.   Lots of people are suffering from various negative mentalities that are very destructive. These are “Defeatist”, “Impossibility” and “I am A Nobody” mentality. Let us look at each of these:

DEFEATIST MENTALITY 

This kind of mentality sees only defeat. It compares itself with the size of the problems of life and becomes in its own mind too small and his problems too big to be handled by such a small person as himself. This kind of mentality gives up easily (cf. Proverbs 24 10).

While others see an opening, he only sees strong walls of oppositions. This mentality characterized ten out of the twelve spies sent to spy out the land of Canaan by God through Moses (Numbers 13:27-31). God did not create us to be ruled and ruined by defeatism (Joel 3:10; II Tim.1: 7).

IMPOSSIBILITY MENTALITY:

The spirit of impossibility rules in the lives of many people which explains the many cases of dashed hopes and aspirations. In the real sense of the word, nothing is impossible in itself. Impossibility is only a state of the mind. Things are impossible to you because you think they are impossible. Things maybe difficult, all right, but are not altogether impossible.

Nothing is impossible to anyone to believe that things are possible (Matthew 17: 20). Some people think that it is impossible to change a certain lifestyle. To them, they have reached a point of    no return.

Unlock yourself from impossibility mentality. Dare to do things; step out in faith and dare to take on the difficult and “impossibility” would give way to possibility.

        “I AM A NOBODY” MENTALITY:

The devil has deceived and ruined many lives by feeding them with lies (Hosea 10:13b; John 8: 44). 

Who told you that you are a nobody? Please, reject this message. Nobody is a nobody. You are somebody. Every one God created is created to be somebody. God does not take time to create a nobody.

You are created in the very image and likeness of God and God is not a nobody. He is somebody. He is important. You are important, too.

If you are nobody, why should Jesus die for you? Jesus died for you because you are somebody. You have a destiny to fulfill that is why you are somebody.

2. LEARN TO PAY THE PRICE.

For every prize received in life there is a price to pay. Paying the price is what separates men from boys; gals from girls; Winners from losers and achievers from dreamers. In every human endeavour there is a price attached and only those who pay the price actually get to the peak. Are you willing to pay the price?

3. ENGAGE IN EFFECTIVE TIME MANAGEMENT (EPHESIANS 5:16).

There are many things we can do with time: Use time, Misuse time, Invest time; Kill time, Waste and Manage time. To maximize your Potentials you must be time-conscious. Time is a precious commodity and the currency in use by the super-successful persons.

Late Yoruba sage, Chief Obafemi Awolowo had advised on the proper use of time. He opined that people should make use time should divide each 24-hour period into three: 8 hours to sleep, 8 hours to study and 8 hours to work.

4. MAKE ADEQUATE USE OF THE NIGHT

Someone had written, “The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept were toiling upwards in the night”. For great people, night is not just a time to sleep but to work. But for ordinary people, it is a time to sleep and snore. Many great scientific discoveries were made at night. Night is an important period of the day for many serious minded persons for academic, research-oriented and spiritually minded persons. “Prayer Warriors” make good use of night to pray effectively. Scholars use the night extensively; Witches and Wizards equally use the night for their nefarious and diabolical purposes (Matthew 13:24-25).

5. HAVE A GOAL AND GO THE EXTRA MILE.

A person is as tall as his or her dreams are. You need to plan and set an agenda for yourself. He who fails to plan, only plans to fail. You must have visions for yourself that says in effect, “By the grace of God, in the next five, ten, fifteen and twenty years from now I am going to be this or that.” Once you have gotten a mental picture of who you want to be in the future, the next thing to do is to translate such dreams into reality by going the “Extra mile”. Why the “Extra mile”? Because “The difference between the ordinary and the extraordinary is the little ‘Extra.’ “ Always do the extra things and learn to do them better (cf. Ecclesiastes 9:10; Proverbs 22:29).

 

6. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR ASSETS TO BECOME YOUR LIABILITIES, RATHER, ALLOW YOUR LIABILITIES TO BECOME YOUR ASSETS.

Your beauty or handsomeness, which is an asset, can become your liability. Your father’s wealth, influence or connections, which are assets, can become your liabilities. On the other hand, your poverty, disabilities, which are liabilities, can become your assets. Use your opportunities well and turn your disadvantages into your advantage. Let me say this - those of us who think that they have certain disabilities and so are disadvantaged must begin to change their perceptions. Of a truth, there is a sense in every nonsense and ability in every disability. Most of today’s millionaires and successful people were children of poor parents.

7. GET INTO PARTNERSHIP WITH GOD (JOB 8: 5-7, 21; I CHRONICLES 4: 9-10; PSALMS 81:10).

   The Lord Jesus said it emphatically, “Apart from me you can do

nothing” (John 15:5b). However, having gone into partnership with the Lord, apostle Paul affirmed, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). If you allow the Lord to be your senior partner, you can be sure that maximization of your potentials would know no limit. Get connected to your connector today and you will get your connection.

SUMMATION

        Great people are ordinary people with extraordinary amounts of determination. Therefore, strive to arrive, dream to achieve. Remember: the you, you see is the you that you will be; the you that you are is the best that can be.

        What you are is a gift from God and what you become out of who you are is your gift back to God. So, when you stand before the Lord, what will you present to Him as your personal accomplishments in return for the tremendous amount of the talents that He has invested in you (Matthew 25:14-30)? 

        You do not have a single reason to fail in life. You have every reason to be a smashing success.

As a passing word: DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE NEXT SUCCESS STORY TO BE WRITTEN? See at you at the top! 

WHAT MUST A CHRISTIAN YOUTH DO TO ENHANCE GROWTH OF THE CHURCH.

 EXORDIUM

Church cannot do without her youths. Christian youths are assets to the Lord’s Church in every community and locality. Youths are the life-wire of every congregation.

        Christian youths are the future of the Lord’s Church. Leave them out of Church’s planning, activities and programmes, and you deny the Church of her most vibrant resource. Christian youths are bridge between past and future generations of the Church. They are torch-bearers and Church’s most active force. The quality of today’s Christian youths determines the quality of tomorrow’s Church. Succinctly stated, the Church of tomorrow is in the hands of today’s Christian youths.

        To say that I am happy to be here today is to say the least: I am honoured! Because youths are tomorrow’s leaders, I take pleasure in addressing youths wherever I am invited to share with them. Today, I have been requested to share with all of us gathered here today on “What Christian Youths Must Do to Enhance Growth of the Lord’s Church.”

        My job is a very simple one – make youths appreciate who they are, how         God sees them and what they can do with who they are to enhance development and growth of our Church Family.

One of the things that gives me joy and assures me of a better future is that majority of today’s Christian youths are more concerned about Church than their peers in past generations. Some Congregations make mistake in not allowing their youths to exercise themselves and be mentored. They gag them with various laws which inhibit the exercise of their talents. However, Congregations that encourage their young to exercise themselves have consistently reaped benefits arising from such mentoring activities. On the other hand, while machineries have been put in place by Congregations for their youths to thrive, some Christian youths are not just willing to contribute their quota towards growth and development of their Congregations.

OUTLINE OF PRESENTATION

I. YOUTHS ARE SPECIAL GIFTS OF GOD TO THE CHURCH

One of God’s greatest gifts to the Church in every generation is her youths. As go the youths so goes the Church. I love youths because of their stakes in the future of the Church with regards to her growth, stability and maintenance of her uniqueness. The Lord loves youths and that is why He has given them to her as gift. Psalms 127:3-5 (KJV) says,

Lo, children (Youths) are an heritage of the Lord... As arrows in the hands of a mighty man so are the... youths. Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them....

In other words, a congregation that is blessed with youths is better positioned to do exploits for the Lord and for His Kingdom.

II. THE PLACE OF YOUTHS IN GOD’S KINGDOM

God has blessed every generation, nation and congregation of His Body with youths, not just youths but visionary, mission-minded and spiritually enterprising youths. It may interest us to know that in God’s scheme of things for the Church, the youths are the torch-bearers, spreading the flame of God and lightening every heart and home with the message of God.

In Bible, Christian youths are referred to as those, “Who conquered the evil one” (l John 2:13b). Here, Spirit of God calls Christian youths, “Conquerors.” Again, in Holy Spirit’s mobilization of “End Time Harvesters” spoken of by Prophet Joel and confirmed by Holy Spirit on Pentecost Day, youths are said to be given gifts of Vision, “...your youths will SEE VISIONS; YOUR ELDERS SHALL DREAM DREAMS” (Acts 2:17). “VISION” is “Foresight” (Pronounced “Four sight” cf. Ecclesiastes 2:14), clear direction; the ability to see far into the future, to see sense in every nonsense; possibility in every impossibility and ability in every disability.

So, according to God’s Word, Christian youths are given the vision to accomplish the mission of the Great Commission. “Without vision” the “people perish” (Prov. 29:18). In other words, without youths, the Church suffers. Why? Because youths are the vision bearers, they are visionaries! While “Elders” are busy dreaming “dreams,” youths are busy “Seeing Visions.”

Let me say these to all of us gathered here: If our congregations are just dragging along, if her growth is being hindered and things are not moving the way they ought to be, don’t blame the elders but blame youths. This may blow your mind: since the youths are those who “See Vision,” it can be argued and rightly too that the youths of every generation and congregation are the eyes with which they see: “If, therefore, the light of the body (which are the youths) grow dim, how dense a darkness” (Matt. 6:23, Reversed Berkley Version in Modern English).

The Church cannot thrive and do exploits for the Lord if her youths are not up and doing. I ask, “Are you as a youth blooming where you are planted?” to whom much is given, much should also be expected!

III. CHRISTIAN YOUTHS AND CHURCH ACTIVITIES

Youths of every generation are the future of that generation. A loss in the youths’ population portends a great danger for such a people. The same can be true for the Church of the Lord, the Body of Christ. There is the danger of a loss of New Testament Christianity and the extinction of the Body of Christ if Christian youths do not take active interest in their local Congregational activities. A youths’-active congregation is a lively, strong and progressive Church with a future but a congregation with a large percentage of apathetic (none zealous) youths is an endangered one.  

IV. APATHY, YOUTHS AND CHURCH ACTIVITIES

Apathy is one of the major reasons Christian youths are not playing their Biblically established roles towards growth of their local Congregations. “Apathy” simply put is a lack of interest in church and related activities; it is a lack of commitment on the part of the membership.

Christian Youths generally blame apathy to low motivation. While to an extent, they are right. Fact, however is church is an investment. The joy derived in worship/fellowship is commensurate to what we invested in it — time, attention and interest.  David, the “Sweet Psalmist” and king of Israel (Ps. 122: 1, 6-9), our Lord Jesus Christ (John 2:17) and Apostle Paul (II Cor. 11:28) were not apathetic. They were rather consumed by their passions for the Lord’s House.

Sometimes Christian youths blame their apathy towards Christian activities such as worship, Bible Study, evangelism, prayer meetings, etcetera to the fact that Congregations of the Lord’s Church are not happening places like the denominations (cf. I Samuel 8:5). They long for where “things are happening.” The truth is – Church was not designed as places of entertainment but for serious spiritual business (John 4:23-24). Worship is doing exactly what God says you should do (cf. Exodus 8:27) not doing what you like. Church is not a social club meant for social gathering but a place for soul-searching.   

Lack of commitment is the by-product of apathy to church and related activities. Cold shoulderisms, “I don’t care attitude” and “To your tents O’ Israel” Lifestyles of many to church programs such as evangelism, Bible study, prayer meeting and visitations are denying the Church of the roles expected of Christian youths.

Daraprin (“Daraprin” is a Sunday, Sunday medicine) Christianity is a religion of convenience and not of conviction. God condemns this in scripture (Matt. 20:6).

WAYS OUT OF APARTHY

1.   Realize that “Woe” is the portion of those” who are at ease in Zion” (Amos 6:1).

2.   Realize that God’s business is for the volunteer (Ps. 110:3), those who can do exploits for him (Dan.11:32b; cf. Eph.6:12; Matt. 11:12).

3.   Realize that if you don’t gather with the Lord you are casting your vote for the church to close shop (Matt. 12:30).

V. WHAT CHRISTIAN YOUTHS CAN DO TO ENHANCE

      CHURCH GROWTH

 One of the greatest things Christian youths can do to enhance Church growth is the gift of themselves. Making ourselves available is our best and greatest gift to the Lord and to His Kingdom. To demonstrate the importance of availability, Psalmist says, “In the days of His battle His army shall be volunteers” (Psalms 110:3). Again, “The Lord gave the Word, great was the company of those who proclaimed it” (Psalms 68:11).

II Corinthians 8:1-5 underscores the importance of availability when Macedonian Christians were commended for giving themselves first and then to the Lord. Giving ourselves or making ourselves available is an all-encompassing and all-involving transaction. It involves our time, talents, treasures and our lives in general.

In what ways can we make ourselves available to the Lord?

By Cultivating Holiness  

        God can never make use of a person whose life is not in consonance with His Will. Christian youths must dedicate themselves to living for the Lord (Mark 10:20; cf. Genesis 39:9-10; II Timothy 2:19-22).

        Holiness has always been the beauty of the believer, moreso of Christian youths. Nothing makes God happy to see that His children are holiness defined. Holiness is attractive. It is impacting and transformational. It defines the translucency of the Christian youth, enabling unbelievers and those who are not New Testament Christians to see through youths to Jesus Christ.

Holiness assists Christian youths to stand out from the crowd and to make bold statements wherever they are! Sinful lifestyles dim the light that should be the Christian youth. No matter how beautiful you can sing, preach and pray, lack of holiness makes nonsense of all these. The name of the Lord and image of the local Congregations will be subjected to ridicule when Christian youths make a mess of their testimonies (cf. Romans 2:17-24).

Who is a Christian? A Christian is one who is not ashamed of the Gospel, nor a shame to the Gospel (Romans 1:16; II Cor. 6:3; cf. II Sam. 12:14).

Cultivate holiness. Your sound moral life will bring sinners to the Lord. It will encourage people to be like you. It is an incentive to your preaching of the Gospel. Holy living will enhance your personality and impact positively on the growth of your local Congregation.

By Giving God and His Church Your Time

        Give god and His Church your time. Make yourself available for Church activities such as worship, Bible study, prayer meetings, singing practice, evangelism, visitation, etcetera. Isaiah heard the voice of the Lord and he said, “Here am I send me?” (Isaiah 6:8). No time is well utilized and invested than that which we spend in God’s presence and in doing God’s Will.

By Making Available our Talents and Treasures

        A young lad (youth) gave Jesus his launch of 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes (John 6:8-13). Peter gave the Lord his boat to preach with (Luke 5:1-11). Midwives cast their votes for the growth of nation of Israel in Egypt (Exodus 1:15-22). In each of these, people gave their talents and treasures available to the Lord towards the growth of His work in lives and communities of men; each person received greater dividend than they had invested.

        When we labour for the Lord, He in turn labours for us. When we cultivate in His Vineyard, He in turn cultivates in our respective vineyards. You cannot out-give God. Give Him your talents and treasures. Ensure that you have a Kingdom-Investment Mentality (KIM).

        When you do these, you can be sure that your local Congregation will experience a new lease of life in activities, growth and further development.

        Take active parts in whatever your Congregation is doing. Volunteer to take up assignments during Worship services even when you feel shy and inadequate inside of you. Learn to fan your gifts into flame (II Tim. 1:6-7). Learn to do things. We only learn to do by doing. The more you practice, the more you perfect and horn your skills in those directions.

VI. STAND OUT TO BE COUNTED   

One of the greatest hindrances to youths contributing positively to growth of God’s Kingdom are allowing their perceptions to be defined by others and also by the kinds of friends they cultivate.   

Appreciate the Fact That You Are Special (Psalms 139:14)

Many Youths have been lost to sin, self and Satan because of their lack of self-appreciation. Every Youth is made original but many are living and dying copies.

The time of youth is a time of great temptation to “Measure up” and become like the Jones and the Joneses. As a result of coming in contact with peers, some suggestive literatures with heavy doses of secularism laced with fashion and fame; glitz and glamour. Television and home Videos, TV commercials and bill boards, all join forces to send the message of depreciation to youths by projecting models of what a youth should be. These lead to loss of senses of worth and self-appreciation among youths.   To “Measure up” and “Belong” many have veered off the paths of sanctity and dedication to the Lord and have pierced themselves with many sorrows. To nip this in the bud, you MUST appreciate the fact that you are unique, specially crafted by God for a purpose. No two persons are exactly alike. Impress it upon your mind the truth that God takes delight in variety, which explains our peculiar physical features, heights, built, sizes and colours. We MUST each learn to have self-esteem and avoid the pitfalls of thinking low or highly of ourselves, which are both extremes (Rom. 12:3).

Cultivate Godly Relationships

The need to consolidate our faith and heavenly calling by cultivating godly relationships cannot be over stressed. This is because among God’s people today, there are tares among corns (Matt. 13:24-30).                                               From time immemorial the devil has endeavoured and to an extent succeeded in infiltrating the ranks and file (company) of God’s people (Gal. 2:4). Among God’s people of old, the Israelites, he used the “Mixed multitude” (Ex.12: 38; cf. Neh.13: 3). However, among Christians of today he uses “False Brethren” (II Cor. 11:26). Certainly, “not everyone who says Lord, Lord” is a Christian (Matt. 7:21). Some are “snares and spots” planted by the devil to entice unstable souls among God’s people (II Pet. 2:13-14).

To overcome, we would have to cultivate relationships with those who “call upon the Lord out of pure hearts” (II Tim. 2:22). On the other hand, any relationship that would make us compromise our testimonies, soil our moral and spiritual garments should be avoided. There are people who have been planted by the devil to shipwreck our faith (II Tim. 2:18; I Tim. 1:19). Indeed, bad associations even among Christians corrupts good morals (I Cor. 15:33).                 

Emulate the Shinning Examples of Youths of Yesteryears         God’s youths of yesteryears are shinning examples of what Christian youths of today should be. The inspiring stories and examples of the Josephs, the Esthers, the Daniels, the Meshachs, and the Abednegos; the Marys, the Timothys, etcetera are all there for all to see. They all demonstrate that one can live above his/her own times, overcome wrong crowds, triumph over temptations, cultural/peer pressures and wrong choices. What we do with our lives, the relationships we cultivate and the choices we make determine to a great extent whether we will soar with angels in the heavenlies or wallow with pigs in the mire. All we need to do to is to key into God’s purpose for our lives, knowing that we are not here for ourselves but for Him who created us and called us.                                                                  

CONCLUSION                                                                                Christian youths, you have a great stake in God’s Work. Serve God wisely and effectively in your days of youth. It is the greatest investment you can ever make and the best foundation you can make for yourself in life (Eccl. 12:1-7).