“Now
as they were traveling along, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha
welcomed him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the
Lord’s feet, listening to His Word. But
Martha was distracted with all her
preparations, and she came up to Him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that
my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.’ But
the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and
bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has
chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” - Luke
10:38 – 42
“King
Rehoboam consulted with the elders who had served his father Solomon while he
was still alive, saying, ‘How do you counsel me to answer this people?’ Then
they spoke to him, saying, ‘If you will be a servant to this people today, and
will serve them, grant them their petition, and speak good words to them, then
they will be your servants forever.’ But he forsook the counsel of the elders
which they had given him, and consulted with the young men who grew up with him
and served him. So, he said to them, ‘What counsel do you give that we may
answer this people who have spoken to me, saying, “Lighten the yoke which your
father put on us’?” The young men who grew up with him spoke to him, saying, “Thus
you shall say to this people who spoke to you, saying, ‘Your father made our
yoke heavy, now you make it lighter for us!’ But you shall speak to them: ‘My little
finger is thicker than my father’s loins! Whereas my father loaded you with a
heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke; my father disciplined you with whips, but I
will discipline you with scorpions.’” - I Kings 12: 6- 11
I Kings 20:35-40 speaks of a man who was Distracted by certain infinitesimal activities that he forgot to attend to his core assignment of watching over a particular target and then lost favour with his Master, thus, he paid dearly for it.
Luke 10:38 – 42 speaks of Martha, Mary and Jesus. While Mary sat to soak in the Words of eternal life, which flowed from our Master’s lips, having “Chosen the good part,” her sister, Martha was “Distracted” by unnecessary preparations.
I Kings 12:6-11 regales us with the foolish decision of young King Rehoboam who jettisoned the counsel of elderly and experienced men and opted for the advice given to him by his peers, “The young men who grew up with him.” This led to the ultimate disintegration of the Nation of Israel, thus Balkanizing the once united Nation into Southern and Northern Kingdoms. This singular action negated the Cause of the Nation and tampered with destinies of many generations, a challenge the Nation of Israel still grapples with till now.
This lecture explores how peer groups can distract young adults, impacts of these distractions, and practical ways to overcome them.
WHAT AND WHO IS A PEER?
According to Webster’s Dictionary, a Peer is a “person of equal standing with another, especially a person who belongs
to the same social group, based on age, grade, or status.”
Simply stated, “Peers” refer to age mates (not necessarily of the same age, but
people of the same age bracket) or contemporaries. These are people a person
can easily identify with. I Kings 12:8 speaks of, “The young men whom King Rehoboam grew up with him.”
People are naturally drawn to their peers because it gives them sense of belonging. At Luke 7:32, Jesus made allusion to peers when He said: “They are like children playing a game in the public square. They complain to their friends, ‘We played wedding songs, and you didn’t dance, so we played funeral songs, and you didn’t weep.” (New Living Translation).
Because of the importance of peer groups, society recognizes the power and influence they exert on their members. This explains why we have “Peer Educators,” “Peer Reviews,” etcetera. The influences they seek to exert on themselves are referred to as “Peer Pressures” whether negative or positive.
WHAT IS PEER
PRESSURE?
In Sociology as well as in Psychology,
people speak of Extrinsic and Intrinsic factors of motivation. Peer
pressure, therefore, is the Extrinsic (outside an individual) influence which
is brought to bear on the Intrinsic (within an individual) to make him or her
do something (positive or negative) that he/she ordinarily would not want to
do. Professor Elizabeth Hartney, a Canadian professor of Psychology, in her definition of Peer Pressure corroborates
with this assertion when she wrote that “Peer
pressure is the process by which members of the same social group influence
other members to do things that they may be resistant to, or might not
otherwise choose to do.”
Speaking on how people allow themselves to be pressured, Jeff Moore, an American motivational speaker, educator and author wrote: “Peer pressure is the pressure you put on yourself to fit in!”
Proverbs 22:24 - 25 encourages young people not to allow themselves to be negatively pressured. It says:
“Do not make friends with a hot tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways, and get yourself ensnared.”
Peer pressure is the tendency to belong, to be like everybody and to be accepted. This tendency has far-reaching implications. This is why Exodus 23:2 enjoins us: “Do not join a multitude to do wrong.”
POSITIVE AND
NEGATIVE PEER PRESSURES
We tend to hear more about negative effects of peer pressure, but the reality is that peer pressure can also be positive. For instance, two friends might put pressures on themselves to work harder towards achieving their respective goals in life, study harder, serve God more faithfully and become spiritually more responsible.
Negative peer pressure causes people to
do things they would not otherwise do with the hope of fitting in or being
noticed. Negative peer influence seeks to erode a
person’s values:
1. Under these, a person loses touch with reality. Rather than go for what is beneficial, such a person settles for what is destructive.
2. Under negative peer influences, right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right.
3. Under negative peer influence, God’s kind of morality takes backseat while Satan’s immorality assumes centre-stage.
4. Under negative peer influences, people eat poisoned fruits and drink poisoned wines, thinking that they are safe, not knowing that they are being destroyed.
WHAT IS DISTRACTION?
Webster’s dictionary defines Distraction as “Something that directs one’s attention away from what is important.” A. W. Tozer defines Distraction as “Something that knocks us off course, takes off our focus and distracts us from our objectives.”
In her article, “21 Bible Verses About Distractions And Ways To Overcome Them,” Demetra Muingbeh (2021) observed that distractions can come in the form of people, things, specific places or environments, circumstances, thoughts, or temptations. She then provided some examples:
1.
You
decide to return to school to get an IT certification, and a good friend you
have not seen in years moves to your area. Distracting you from your studies,
you start hanging out 3 to 4 times a week.
Then you get your first semester results, which show you are failing
half of your classes. You finally decide to quit your job so you can put all
your time into developing your own business.
But then, you get a job offer from a company offering you N500, 000. 00 more yearly than you were
making. Distracted from your actual goal of working for yourself and earning
six figures, you take the job offer instead.
2. You decide to write a book with the vision that God gave you. You receive negative feedbacks after discussing the idea with a few friends and family members. Negative thoughts overwhelm your mind, and you never pick up a pen again.
3. You decide to start a blog, but every technical issue imaginable arises. Distracted by discouragement, you give up completely.
4. You set a goal to lose 20 pounds and have your diet plan and exercise routine all mapped out. But your roommate constantly fills the fridge with snacks and comes home with fast food. You give in and end up gaining 20 pounds instead.
She then observed, “Distractions can come in ways we least expect, from people we do not expect, and at times, we are not expecting. They can end up costing us time, happiness, peace, relationships, money, and success. Distractions can lead to wrong directions, missed opportunities and missed blessings.”
PEER GROUPS AND
DISTRACTIONS
The Bible speaks of people as huge sources of distractions. Sometimes, these distractions are on purpose. This was the case of Sanballat, Geshem and Nehemiah. At Nehemiah 6:2 - 4, we read:
“So Sanballat and Geshem sent a message asking me to meet them at one of the villages in the plain of Ono. But I realized they were plotting to harm me, so, I replied by sending this message to them: ‘I am engaged in a great work, so, I can’t come. Why should I stop working to come and meet with you?’ This they did four times and answered them the same.” (New Living Translation)
Sometimes we allow what people think about us, or the approval we seek from them to distract us. In this case, we should work to adopt the mindset that the Apostle Paul had. At Galatians 1:10, Apostle Paul wrote:
“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” (New Living Translation)
We have to avoid certain people or relationships, especially if we know it would hinder our walk with God and distract us from our individual objectives.
YOUNG PEOPLE
AND Peer GroupS
There is no gainsaying the fact that peer groups play significant roles in the lives of young people. This is because young people are looking for acceptance as well as senses of belonging. In view of this, they are exposed largely to negative peer influences.
While positive peer influences can encourage growth, motivation, and healthy behaviours, negative peer influences can become major distractions that derail personal development, academic success, and future prospects.
HOW PEER GROUPS DISTRACT YOUNG PEOPLE
In a lecture delivered recently, Dr. Mike Udam x-rays the negative effects of peer groups on young people:
1.
Negative
Peer Pressure
Young adults may feel pressured to conform to behaviours that are harmful or counterproductive, such as substance abuse, skipping classes, or engaging in risky activities. The desire to fit in can lead to poor decision-making and a loss of individuality.
2.
Distraction
from Goals
Spending excessive time socializing or trying to impress peers can take focus away from academic, career, or personal goals. Young adults may prioritize short-term gratification over long-term successes.
3. Spread
of Misinformation
Peer groups can perpetuate myths, misinformation, or unhealthy attitudes about education, relationships, or life choices. This can lead to misguided decisions and a lack of critical thinking.
4. Encourages
Laziness
If a peer group values leisure over hard work, young adults may adopt a lazy or unmotivated mindset. This can result in procrastination, missed opportunities, and underachievement.
5. Emotional
and Mental Strains
Toxic peer relationships can lead to stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. The fear of rejection or judgment can prevent young adults from pursuing their true interests or expressing their authentic selves.
Impacts of Peer Group Distractions
Again, Dr. Udam x-rays the impacts distractions have on young people:
1.
Academic
Underperformance
Distractions by peer groups can lead to poor attendance, lack of focus, and lower grades. Young adults may neglect their studies to spend time with friends and end up not excelling academically.
2.
Career
Setbacks
A lack of focus on skill development or professional growth can hinder career prospects. Peer pressure to prioritize social life over work or internships can delay career advancement.
3.
Financial
Irresponsibility
Peer pressure to spend money on trendy items, parties, or social activities can lead to poor financial habits and debt. Young people may struggle to save or invest in their future due to the influence of their peer groups.
4.
Loss
of Identity
Constantly trying to fit in with a peer group can cause young people to lose sight of their values, passions, and goals. This can lead to a lack of direction and fulfillment in life.
5.
Health
and Emotional Risks
Engaging in unhealthy behaviours to impress peers, such as smoking, drinking, or drug use can have long-term physical and mental health consequences. The stress of maintaining toxic friendships can also take a toll on emotional well-being.
WAYS TO OVERCOME DISTRACTIONS BY PEERS
1. Appreciate Who You Are
Appreciate who you are. Do not allow anyone to diminish or depreciate you. At Psalms 139:14, King David wrote:
“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows too well.”
You are special. You are unique. You are beautiful/handsome. You are made in the Image and Likeness of God. There are no two people like you in the world. Sinach, the Nigerian rave-making Gospel singer was right when she sang, “I know who I am.”
When you know who you are, you should not compare yourself with others. Comparing yourself with others is an indication of low self-esteem. This will make you susceptible to peer pressure, which will lead to distractions. II Corinthians 10:12 says:
“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”
2. Identify What Distracts You (Hebrews
12:1)
In order to fix a problem, we have to identify the problem. We do this by identifying everything that hinders or distracts us. So, to overcome distractions, you must specifically identify who and what distracts you. At Hebrews 12:1, Scripture enjoins us:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (New International Version)
3. Avoid
Becoming Like the Jones and the Joneses (I Samuel 8:4-5).
“Then all the elders of
Israel gathered themselves together, and came to Samuel in Ramah, and said to
him, ‘Behold, you are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways: now make for
us a king to judge us like all the nations around us.’ ”
Avoid
the temptation to “Measure up” and become like the “Jones and the Joneses;” to
align with peers; to hang out with the hood.
One
of the most negative forces which our environment exerts on us is through our
peers. Because of our deep quests for senses of belonging and fulfillment, we, sometimes
want to become like the people around us. That was
Christians
are separate from the world around them and should remain so (John 17:14-16; II
Corinthians 6:14-18). We should not crave to be like the people around us, but
should make efforts to establish and maintain our distinctiveness as “People of God’s pleasure” (I Pet.
2:9-10).
The
world around you does not have meaningful things to offer, but riotousness and
vanity. As a Christian, you should become a role model, not vice-versa. The mould
which contains the world should not contain you. Dr. Seuss, an American author,
illustrator and artist asked, “Why fit
in, when you were born to stand out?” An anonymous writer advised, “Don’t force yourself to fit in where you
don’t belong.”
4. Get Ahead of Your Peers by
Increasing Your Capital (Ecclesiastes 10:10).
“If the iron be blunt, you
exert more energy, but wisdom is profitable to direct.”
People
are easily influenced negatively because they cannot measure up. In view of
these, they look up to those they feel are doing better than them. In the
course of seeking validations and associations of these people, they become
negatively influenced. On the flipside, when you are the person doing better,
people look up to you and rather than being negatively influenced by them, you
now positively influence them. Why? Because you hold the key. You determine who
comes in and who goes out. To become the Odogwu, you would need to stay ahead
by increasing your capital.
When you lack capacity, you would become susceptible to distractions and manipulations by others. Alexander Hamilton, America’s First Secretary of the Treasury, lawyer, scholar and military commander was right when he wrote,
“Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything.”
To
avoid falling for anything, you must build and strengthen your capacity. Your
capacity is your capital. It is the key you need to survive and thrive.
You
should be a person of KNOWLEDGE. The word “Knowledge” comes from the root word
- “Know” and “Edge,” meaning that the knowledge you have is what determines
your edge in life. Knowledge and its proper application is a major
success-factor in life.
Capacity-building
is increasing your ability to become relevant in social, economic, spiritual
and professional scheme of things.
Everything
about capacity-building is skills’ acquisition and skills’ utilization. So, seek
to acquire skills. It is your skills that will locate you (Proverbs 22:29).
Why
Build Your Capacity?
1. Capacity-building
keeps you ahead of your peers and competitors.
2. Capacity-building
is sharpening yourself (Ecclesiastes 10:10).
3. Capacity-building
is understanding your Unique Selling Points (USP) – knowing what you have that
others do not have and knowing what you can do that others cannot do or do them
the exact way that you do them. It is knowing what makes you different, what
you can do differently to add value to people and positioning yourself
strategically.
Capacity-building breeds poly-functionality. Your ability to switch from a mono-functionality mode to a poly-functionality one gives you the edge and makes you a role model.
5. Do not be a youth who lacks judgment (Proverbs
7:6-7)
Proverbs 7:6-7 provides for us the profile of a youth who lacks judgment. He was a moral weakling who could not say, “NO!” to the amorous invitation of a degenerate: a sweet-talking, immorally-enticing person to wine, dine and have a fill of the sweet poisons of immorality, unknown to him that he was on his way to the slaughter house and on the path to eternal destruction (Proverbs 7:21-23).
What kind of youth are you? Are you easily distracted or pressured to do what obviously you know is wrong or are you a person of strong moral fibre? Are you easily swayed by the sweet nothings of what you hear and see? Do you have judgment or do you lack judgment?
Knowing who you are is important because who you are places you where you belong. What you do defines who you are. If you are chaste, then you belong to the class of youths that God is counting on for His use, but if you are not chaste, then you certainly do not count on God’s economy.
God is seriously looking for and recruiting youths who He intends to mobilize for the end-time harvest (II Timothy 2:19-22). Are you that youth that God is looking for?
God Has Regards For Youths With
Judgment
God respects integrity and honours faithfulness. Throughout known human history, God has been in search of young men and women with strong moral characters who would stand in the gap (cf. Ezekiel 22:30). A careful study of Scripture reveals that when youths maintain strong moral purity, they become tools in God’s Hands. Examples abound:
Joseph
Because Joseph had judgment, he refused to be pressured by Portiphar’s wife (which would have given him access to anything in his master’s household). However, knowing that it was a sin to sleep around with someone not his wife and recognized sin for what it was, not by the definitions of his friends and peers (Genesis 39:7-12), God made great use of him.
Moses
Because Moses had judgment, he refused to do what others were doing as well as having refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to suffer with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin (Hebrews 11:24-26), God made great use of him.
Daniel
and Friends
Because Daniel and friends had judgment,
they made up their minds not to soil
themselves with the King’s food, resisted the pull and push to compromise
their faith and practice in a foreign land where no one knew them except God
(Daniel 1:8-9), God gave them favour with which they excelled and were greatly
used by Him.
Mary
Because Mary had judgment, she was
chaste. She overcame the moral decay around her and refused to trade her
precious asset (virginity). Because of this, she was chosen amongst women to be
the human channel through which our Lord Jesus would come into the world
(Isaiah 7:14; Luke 1:26-35).
The list is a long one!
To avoid moral recklessness amounting to lack of judgment, youths must avoid going out with “sons and daughters of the land” (cf. I Corinthians 15:33). If Dinah had not gone out with daughters of the land, she would not have been robbed of compromised her morality (Genesis 34:1-2). Dinah was one youth who lacked judgment.
CONCLUSION
Peer groups
can be a powerful influence in the lives of young people, but they do not have
to be a distraction. By choosing the right friends, setting clear priorities,
and focusing on personal growth, young people can overcome negative peer
pressures/distractions and stay on track to achieve their goals.
The key is to stay true to yourself, surround yourself with positive influences, and remember that your future is more important than fleeting social approval. By taking control of your social environment, you can unlock your full potentials and build a life of purpose and success.
____________________
Hilary
Johnson Chukwuma Chukwurah (Evangelist) worships with Church of Christ, New
Haven Extension, New Haven, Enugu, Enugu State. He can be contacted via: +234 803-959-6919.
He can also be reached through hilaryjohnsonc@gmail.com.
